the sun and the butterfly

one of my favorite sites,, is doing a piece titled "Thankfully I didn't get that tattoo" and is asking for users to share their stories. so, if you have one, go forth and share it with them.

being the true Tattoo Snob that i am, i don't really have a story like that. i have always put long and serious thought into my markings. but. i do have two tattoos that no longer hold the same meaning for me. and i have no intention of having them covered or removed. they mean something else now.

once upon a time, i was young. not only was i young, i was stupid. and at 19 i got married to a man i'd only known for two months. a man that i knew i didn't love, just assumed that eventually i would. after a year he was sent overseas and it became obvious to me that this man was not someone i could ever truly love. and while he was gone, i was unfaithful. i confessed everything the moment he returned and told him it would be best for us to divorce and go our separate ways. after much discussion, he convinced me to stay and try to work things out. and we got semi-matching tattoos. the blue/green/purple tribalish sun on my left arm. his was a bit larger and solid black, but the same design. the idea was that these tattoos would remind us not to go down that road again and always work things out rather than try to run away from our problems.

so, later on, he left the military and we moved from new mexico to georgia to be near his family. i psyched myself up for the move and convinced myself that this was going to be a good thing, a new beginning, and a permanent migration to the south. i wanted a bird, but couldn't think of one i liked. then i remembered there are some butterflies that migrate too! so i got the obligatory butterfly on my left shoulderblade.

then, life with him ended. he openly admitted to doing everything he could to make me as miserable as possible for five years. and those tattoos no longer meant what they once did. and so came the question of what to do with them. they no longer remind me of anything i still consider to have been a good decision or time in my life.

but they do still serve a purpose. reminders of what i had to survive to get to where i am now.

i had put a lot of thought into what i was going to do with them, but wasn't getting anywhere. and all of a sudden, it came to me in the shower one day. as part of a much larger tattoo that will depict my life's journey...

i'm going to set them on fire.

as a sidenote - i find it interesting that these are the only pieces of flash that i have out of ten tattoos. coincidence? i think not. i honestly think it was a side effect of the broken down state that i was in when he and i were together.

October, 08 2009 under tattoo