since tomorrow is thanksgiving and i've been avoiding this site for a really long time, i thought i'd share what i'm thankful for.

i am thankful for every experience i've had in my life.

i've had a lot of "wow" in my life. and more than my fair share of "suck." i've had plenty of phenomenal people touch me in different ways. and i've had some who've been exceedingly harmful. i've been inspired, rescued, tormented, abused, raped, loved, hated, taught, nurtured, thrown into an emotional hole and lifted back out of it. all of these things time and time again.

i used to regret things and wish i could change them. i used to think "my life would be so much better if only this thing had or hadn't happened." but now, when i look at myself in the mirror, i know that if i traded in a single one of those experiences, i wouldn't be who i am today.


to JC, JH, JS, TC - i thank you for teaching me how to recover from a broken heart.

to BL - i thank you for teaching me that no moment is to ever be wasted and that i should always speak my heart or risk losing an opportunity to experience something.

to MW - i thank you for teaching me that liking sex doesn't make me a whore.

to MD - i thank you for showing me the greatest loss of my life and that i could handle it.

to BJG - i thank you for standing next to me without hesitation in every situation that i have ever come up against and for rescuing me when i couldn't pick myself up.

to RC - i thank you for showing me exactly what a real marriage isn't. thanks to you, i will never make that mistake again.

to RC's mother - i thank you for showing me what true bigotry really is and everything i want to avoid in other people. and i thank you for allowing me to feel what it is to be used.

to JS, MC - i thank you for giving me an opportunity to show my true colors during a time when i had to hide behind a mask.

to my relatives - i thank you for raising me the way you did and for trying your best with someone you could never understand. my upbringing allowed me to learn to push the limits of my mind and patience. i learned more than you realize from you.

to JM - i thank you for your negativity towards me. you broke me once, but you will never do it again. your rejection and disdain for me only show me that i am on the right path.

to KM - i thank you for showing me that sometimes taking HUGE risks really does pay off.

to GV, LB - i thank you for being such strong women and inspiring me every day.

to HS, CB - i thank you for getting me out of my house on a regular basis in a new town/state. and for sharing your multiple talents with me and so many others.

to MJ - there are not enough words in the english language to express the true extent of my deepest appreciation for you. i cannot begin to list all of the things that you have taught me. i thank you for all of the things that we shared. and even more for all of the things that we continue to share. i thank you for your love, your devotion, your protection, and your inability to allow me to fail.

to JM - i thank you for the relationship that you and i have with each other. and i thank you for making MJ happy. you mean as much to me as he does.

to my children - i thank every one of you for growing into the phenomenal individuals that you are all becoming. i am honored and so very proud every day that you are all mine. i thank you for not being the spoiled little heathens you could have been.

November, 25 2009 under self